torsdag 2 oktober 2008

Nothing left for Me.

Have you ever seen the ocean? I have. When you are homeless, broke, freezing and fucking hungry. Sitting on the beach watching the sun rise, is the best comfort you can get. The colosal void of endless water covering the earth, makes you realize, you're not that special.

And thinking about my family tree back home, growing wildly, setteling it's roots into addiction and violence. The children, my blood, being raised to be poor of judgement and having a lazy state of mind.. Thinking of that, I kinda feel like the chosen one, the man who's gonna fix them all up. I'll carry them on my shoulders until my knees snap and my legs brake from under me.

And my friends back home, much like me, are just wasting time drinking coffee, complaining about the shitty weather, going to parties where everybody knows everyone. I never would've guessed, I'd be the one who'd brake loose, fuck off, going somewhere else. I always thought I'd rot in an apartment filled to the brim with dirty dishes.

And when I think of myself back then, when ten grams of mau and my Xbox was all I needed. It was a glorious time, for a while, but as the winter closed in and covered my life in darkness, I lost the will to live, I just wanted to be nothing to nobody. I took pleasure in torchering myself with lack of sleep and food, I spent my days in bed or on the couch, fleeing into cyberworlds and mediocre fucking plots. For an hour of two, it's okay, but spending 6 months out of twelve just surfing through realityscapes is not good for your soul.

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